Forever and Alone

[harper]

"5760" I tell the lunch lady and she nods slightly, typing it in before waving me on. I take my tray in one hand, small bottle of fruit punch Gatorade in the other as I turn towards the tables. My brown eyes rove over the tables for a place to sit, and watch the glances tossed my way, the conspiratorial whispers as I passed table after table. I keep my gaze focused ahead, my head held high as I strode between the tables, soon taking a seat at the end of a mostly empty table.
I twist the cap off of my Gatorade, taking a dainty sip of it before setting it to the side and picking up my fork and stabbing a piece of lettuce through with it. I soon finish my small salad and my Gatorade, standing to walk to the trashcan, tossing my styrofoam plate and bottle in before turning to go back to my seat.
"Hey, Blowlund, how far along are you now? comes a nasal voice and I glance over for my gaze to land on Claire. She'd always been intent on making my life hell, and rumors had only given her more ammo. I keep walking, setting my jaw. "Don't ignore me, you whore, you're just mad that Dylan loves me and not you." she continued, turning to face me as I walked by.
A chorus of snickers and laughter. I stop, turning towards her. "Do you really think I care?" I ask, tucking a strand of hot pink hair behind my ear.
"Yeah. That hair color is just begging for attention Woe-is-me, I'm alone and pregnant." she said, chuckling happily with herself. I turn to walk away, biting my lower lip as if that would dry the watering of my eyes. My feet turn from their route towards the table to the door and a single, heaving sob escapes me as I breeze towards them, racing away from the cafeteria. No one bothers to follow me- not even the principal who is always in the lunch room to ensure there will be no fights.
I was a nobody, why should they care? I wipe angrily at my leaking eyes and open the door to the chorus room. I knew Mr.Dical left to go to the elementary school, so no one would be in here. I close it halfway after me, walking over to settle myself down on his swivel chair. I lift up the bottom of my dark blue shirt to look at my cami-covered stomach. Did it really look that big? I mean, I was late, but surely I wasn't pregnant. Condoms, we'd used a condom. So why the bump? It was probably just paranoia, caused by the relentless insults tossed at me. Another sob escapes me and I lean forward, burying my face in my hands, my pink hair falling forward to obscure my face.
"This isn't fair! Don't you try to blame this on me. My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me. And god damn it, I can barely say your name, so I'll try to write it and fill the pen with blood from the sink." I sing under my breath, staring at the floor as I slowly spun myself around, attempting to calm my frayed nerves and injured feelings.
Outfit; Link

[xcrisisx]

Usually I skip lunch. Always have. Usually I just bring an apple from home and eat that. Sure, it's not good for a jock to skip lunch, but i've just never really been one to be hungry around lunch time. But today I just felt like hanging out with my friends, so I followed them through the line, and grabbed a few things along the way. Mainly for my friends. They liked to eat more than they should, so I just gave the food to them. And to be honest, lunch was pretty fun. Usually I just run laps on the field. Today I actually took a break and relaxed.

And I loved it. I had just been thinking of hanging out in the cafeteria more, when Claire decided to pick on someone. Now, I was use to her being bitch. She was Claire. But I always hated it when she picked on people. I hated bullies. And she knew that. I mean, we aren't close friends, but we're still friends. You would think she would be nice and hold her tongue around me. She knows I always stand up for the one being bullied. Even if it happens to be one of my friends being the bully.

I stood up from my seat, and walked over to Claire. Ready to follow the girl she had just messed with. "Claire,not cool. Can't you just be nice for once?" Without waiting for an answer, I ran after the girl, and followed her through the hall. From what I could tell, she was headed to the chorus room. Mr. Dical was never in there during lunch, so I understood why she wanted to hide in there. No one was there to pick on her further.

I quietly opened the door and listened. She was singing. "This isn't fair! Don't you try to blame this on me. My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me. And god damn it, I can barely say your name, so I'll try to write it and fill the pen with blood from the sink." As she sang, she twirled around. Her eyes on the floor. She had a beautiful voice. I wanted her to keep singing, but I knew that I needed to make my presence known. So she didn't think I was a creep, or someone coming to pick on her.

So I coughed lightly, and smiled at her.

"Uhm, hey. Are you okay?"

[harper]

My fingers pressed to my temples, I got in one more full circle before a light cough broke the silence after my singing. I jump,heading snapping up to look at the long-haired guy standing in the doorway. He'd been sitting with Claire, I was fairly sure of it. I clench my jaw, ready for him to ask to get some or something, before he smiles. I unconsciously raise my eyebrows in mild surprise. A prep not being a jerk to me? Amazing.
"Fine." I reply, my voice hard. I knew my appearance betrayed me, and my voice. Red eyes, slightly wavering voice. Why did I always have to be so sensitive? Why did people's words have to get to me so? Why couldn't people just leave me alone, actually. That'd be better- not having to deal with this bullshit at all.
I kick my foot against the carpet once more, though softly so I'd spin slow and give myself time to wipe at my eyes. I take a deep breath as I turn back to face him, crossing my arms in a slightly defensive position. "Why do you care?" I finally ask, leaning back in my chair as if I didn't really care.. when I did. I wanted to know why a prep seemed to care if a 'scene' or 'emo' or whatever -as myself- was okay. Inside, I was an emotional wreck. I mean, I knew I shouldn't let them get to me, but they did. She did, actually. Claire had always hated me, and this supposed 'pregnancy' was just making it worse. Maybe she was jealous? No, I was nothing to envy. Maybe it was because I'd had Dylan before her? No, that went along with the envy thing, which I'd already ruled out.
I blink slightly as my brown gaze re-focuses on the long haired guy standing in the doorway and I casually wave him in- didn't want a teacher to see him and then we'd both probably get suspended for 'skipping'. But, you couldn't really skip lunch, could you?

[xcrisisx]

After a few seconds of waiting, the girl turned toward me and realized I was there. She seemed calmed more now, but still upset. Maybe singing was her way of relaxing. Whatever it was, I was glad she felt a little bit better, on the outside anyway. "Fine." It was obvious she was lying. Her eyes were red from crying, and her voice wavered when she talked. But I could hear the edge in her voice. One wrong move and she would be even more upset. And I didn't like to see anyone upset.

"Why do you care?" She asked me, trying to sound nonchalant. Her, 'i'm perfectly fine' act wasn't really working. But I decided not to mention that. She had always seemed like a nice girl to me. We had a couple of classes together. She seemed like a loner type, but I wasn't one to judge. But from what i've gathered, when she wasn't being picked on, she was a nice girl. I don't think i've ever seen her in the principles office. And I had a class as a helper in there.

"Well... I care because I know how Claire can be. And I don't like that. I think bullies are just insecure asshats. I hate seeing other kids picked on. So I do my best to stop that. And if it means following a pretty girl into a empty chorus room, then that's what i'll do. Uhm... that last part sounded pervy. But you know what I meant." I laughed at the last bit. Man do I have a way with words. I was trying to calm her down, and I probably made her think I was going to rape her or something. Well... I hoped I didn't creep her out that bad.

"Anyways, my name's Aiden. And you are?" I asked politely, sitting on the ground in front of her. Trying my best to make her comfortable.

outfit; here

[harper]

He soon deigns to answer my question, which was something about how he 'knew how Claire was, didn't like bullies, blah blah blah'. Yeah, as if I believed that. He hadn't given me any reason to believe him, but then again he hadn't given me any reason not to. But, wasn't sitting with Claire reason enough? On the other hand, wasn't just following me to ask if I was alright reason enough to believe him? I let out a small sigh of indecision and twirl around once more, foot padding softly on the carpet.
I can't help but laugh as he says something about 'following a pretty girl into a chorus room'. It was funny, and I didn't think it was supposed to be a dig. But, maybe it was. But, if it was meant to hurt me, would he have acknowledged the fact of how very wrong it was? I didn't think so, but, then again, preps -and men in general- worked in weird ways.
I run a stray hand through my hot pink hair and watch as Aiden moves away from the door, closing it, to sit on the floor in front of me. I shift awkwardly, wanting to offer him a seat so that he wouldn't have to look up at me like that. "Harper." I reply, nodding once to him. "Not 'Hooker Blowlund' as everyone insists on calling me." I add after a moment's hesitation.
Why not make light of the situation? Why not pretend like I'd left the lunch room of my own accord, came into Mr. Dical's room randomly? Not to escape Claire's insults and cry alone? Why not be delusional? Why not have my own version of reality? Wouldn't a paradisaical lie be better than the harsh reality?

[xcrisisx]

"Harper. Not 'Hooker Blowlund' as everyone insists on calling me." I grimaced at the nickname. Nobody should have nicknames like that. They were horrible. Hooker Blowlund? Really? Did highschoolers have such a bad social life that they had to come up with a stupid nickname in order to make fun of someone? In all honesty, he knew it wasn't a rare occurrence in the school. There were several other girls and guys with terrible nicknames. And it was sad to say that there would be many more.

"Well to be honest Harper, I think that nickname is terrible and unjust. You seem to nice to be a hooker. Usually their very catty and rude." I joked as I got up and plopped in the chair next to her. I laid my head back and looked up at the ceiling. The mildew on the roof was gross. And unsafe. The school should seriously do something about that. Maybe a health inspector should come and check the place out.

"Harper? What did Claire say to you?" I murmured in a quiet voice. I was really curious. I didn't pay much attention to gossip, so I really never paid attention to anything Claire said. Maybe I should really listen more often. And even though I asked Harper, I doubt she would tell me. I mean, I just met the girl for crying out loud. I'm surprised she even let me sit in here with her. Most girls would want a girl friend to help them out, not some random guy she had never met before.

[harper]

I almost let out a snort or disbelief as Aiden says that my nickname was unjust, but stop myself to roll my eyes as he goes on to say that 'I'm too nice to be a hooker'. "Well, thanks." I say sarcastically, a smirk tugging at the corners of my mouth. My brown eyes watch as he gets up to sit in a desk near me, leaning his head back to look at the ceiling, long hair falling back and Adam's apple jutting out.
I raise my eyebrows at his question, shaking my head to myself. "you didn't hear her? I thought the whole lunchroom had." I ask in a small voice, unconsciously bringing my hand up to my mouth to bite at my index fingernail. It was a habit I thought I'd stopped, but I'd since started it up again; whenever I was sad or upset, which I always seemed to be these days.
When he doesn't reply right away I sigh before answering. "Asking me how far along I am, calling me a whore, saying Dylan doesn't love me- the usual." I say, swallowing a lump that had formed in my throat. It seemed so stupid whenever I said it out loud. There were people in the world who had much worse problems than I- abusive parents, divorce, ect. But, to me, my problem was big, just to other's it might not be.
"I mean, I don't get the Dylan thing. I mean, sure, he cheated on me and left me for her, but it's not like I'm stuck on him or anything." I continue, drawing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. It was weird, telling a guy that, but I had to talk to someone, right? And.. he'd asked.

[xcrisisx]

"Asking me how far along I am, calling me a whore, saying Dylan doesn't love me- the usual." I was actually quite surprised by Harpers words. Claire was accusing her of being pregnant? And a whore? This was worse than I thought. Things like that could ruin a girls self esteem. And when a girls self esteem lowered, she basically shut down. From what i've heard anyway. Well, from the way my older sister had acted when she was in high school anyway.

"I mean, I don't get the Dylan thing. I mean, sure, he cheated on me and left me for her, but it's not like I'm stuck on him or anything." Now those words weren't a surprise. Dylan had talked about cheating before. But it never connected that it was Harper he had been with. "That was you that he had cheated on? That inconsiderate prick." I seethed. I hated when he cheated anyway, but to know the person he cheated on? That hurt worse. Even if I had only know her a whole five minutes.

"Look, Harper. I can see you're not a whore. And I dunno if you could be pregnant or not. I wouldn't know unless you told me yourself. What you do behind closed doors is your own business. But I can tell you aren't the type to sleep around. So, if Claire or Dylanm or anyone else for that matter, ever mess with you again, you can come to me, alright? I'll stick up for you. Now. We still have about thirty minutes left in lunch. Do you wanna go grab a bite to eat?" I stood up, and held my hand out to her. She deserved a little break from reality. And maybe if we stayed out longer than lunch, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't be missing anything important anyway. Just Math.

[harper]

I raise my eyebrows slightly at Aiden's question.I was surprised he didn't know; especially when that was the group he hung out with, and everyone knew anyway. I nod slightly in reply and bit at the inside of my lower lip, brown eyes focused on the floor. They move from there to his face as he speaks and decide not to deny or confirm my alleged pregnancy; besides, I didn't even know myself, so how could I go around telling people I wasn't when I might be? That'd only add 'Liar' to my list of labels.
I nod quietly as he goes on to say that if anyone ever said anything again to tell him. The thought comforted me, but did I really seem like I needed a protector? I was about to tell him I didn't when he asks if I want to go get something to eat, even going as far as to offer me his hand. "I ate, and I'm not going back in there." I say, shaking my head, though I do stand up. I look awkwardly at his hand. Was that to help me up, or to hold? Well, I was already up, so that would be useless. And, if he wasn't offering moral support by hand holding, I would look like a fool. I decide to ignore his hand and walk to the door, rolling back on my heels.
Not the lunchroom, not in here. Where to go? The library? No, the librarians would make a big deal about us being in there without a note. Gym? No, there would be a class in there. "Football field." I mumble under my breath, opening the door to walk out, looking back for Aiden. I was afraid he wouldn't want to be seen with me now that we were out in the open, like it was a different world in Mr. Dical's room.

[xcrisisx]

I knew Harper must be uncomfortable when she awkwardly stood up and avoided my hand. And i knew that she either didn't want to face Claire, or had really eaten when she denied my offer. "Well, we could go off campus if you're still hungry. But I understand." I smiled and followed her to the door. She hesitated for a second, and then mentioned something about the football field. Must be where she wanted to go to avoid the other students. I had debated for a second if I should offer my company or not, finally I made a decision.

"Mind if I come with you? I mean, if you want me to of course." I wasn't sure if she found me weird or not, or if I made her uncomfortable. I hoped not, but if I did I would back off. Things like that were always awkward. I mean, I tried not to hover, but she was pretty. And I am a guy, so it's kind of instinct. But everytime I caught myself to close, I would back off. Hoping not to creep her out. I waited for a second, and then opened the door for her. "If you want my along, just say the word."

[harper]

His words follow me. It was still.. odd, someone actually seeming to care, to want to help. I didn't believe people like Aiden had actually existed in the world, unless he had some hidden motive, which I still wasn't ruling out. "Of course I want you to come, I thought you were going to anyway." I say, shrugging my shoulders and looking at my feet. Maybe I had assumed too much? Well, I knew what you did when you did that. I offer him a smile as he opens the door for me and start down the paved path. There wasn't one going all the way to the football field, but I could at least follow it while I could to keep from getting grass stains on my shoes; they were new.
I look back for Aiden, making sure he was coming as I slow my brisk pace. My mouth opens slightly as I absentmindedly run my teeth over my tongue piercing, a little pink of my tongue showing. It was another habit- weirder than biting my fingernails, but not as.. harmful? As long lasting? Whatever it was, I did it.
Once he catches up a bit, I start back, stepping off the path towards the gate. Soon the grass turns to gravel then pavement once more. I pull the hinge off the gate that held it closed against wind and curious animals, holding it open and looking back for Aiden.

[xcrisisx]

I had never been one to walk fast. I've just always walked slow. Maybe I walk slow so I can relax. Since I use most of my energy in track and football. All my friends get irritated with me because of my slow pace. They love walking fast, and since I refuse to match my pace with theirs, they have to accommodate their speed with mine. So often they will whine about how me being slow makes no sense.

Like right now, i'm walking to the football field with Harper. Well, behind Harper. Every little while she would slow down and let me catch up, but I would fall behind again. I kept expecting her to get frustrated, but she never did. So I would just trail behind her. But once we finally got closer to the football field, I made an effort to keep up with her. Might as well make the final few feet go quicker. I've always loved the football field.

When we reached the gate, Harper already had it opened for me. I took the metal under my palm, and pulled the gate wider, motioning for her to go first. When she did, I followed close behind. Leaving the gate ajar. I walked for a little while longer, and then settled down against the fence on the opposite side of the field, and got comfortable on the ground. I patted the spot next to me, looked up at the sky. My hair falling back, and my adams apple poking out. It looked like it was going to rain soon. Hopefully while we were still on the field. I loved getting rained on.

"So, tell me about yourself. Go all out. Because when I tell you about myself, that's what i'll do. I tend to go overboard when explaining myself. I tend to get a little self-centered when talking about myself."

[harper]

He doesn't exactly catch up, but could I blame him? I wouldn't want be to caught with me, either; there were probably already rumors circulating about when he'd dared to follow me, thanks to Claire. A small sigh escapes me at the thought and I flash Aiden a grateful smile as he holds the gate open and I walk in, crossing my arms over my chest. I felt like we were going to get caught, or something stupid like that, even when there was nobody out here.
I follow as he walks confidently to the other side of the field, apparently knowing where he was going. I sat down beside Aiden, making sure to leave about five inches of space between us. I ease myself down, not wanting to get any grass stains on my butt or something. I draw my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms loosely about them before setting my chin on a knee.
"Tell you about myself?" I ask skeptically, scoffing and shaking my head. What was there to know? Other than the fact that my name was Harper, I was possibly pregnant, and that people hated me? That pretty much summed it up. I let out a light chuckle at Aiden's comment about how he could go on forever about himself and limply shrug my shoulders.
"My favorite color is pink?" I test, rolling my eyes towards the sky. "Um. I like history, soccer.." I continue, my voice strengthening slightly. "I don't like math, creepy crawlies -spiders especially- sports; except soccer, but you probably already guessed that." I finish, shrugging my shoulders and letting out a soft chuckle at my own lameness.
"And I'm a better listener than talker, so.. go." I say, reaching out a black painted fingernail to poke Aiden's cheek playfully.

[xcrisisx]

I listened while Harper told me about herself. And my first thought was she felt awkward talking about herself. Like she didn't often. And the second was that she didn't give herself enough credit. She seemed like an amazing girl. And sure, i've known her all of fifteen minutes? And I could already tell she was amazing. So when she explained herself as a listener, it all made sense. "Well, as you already know, I hate bullies. And i'm a jock. My favorite color is red. I love to draw and write, and i'm charismatic. I adore kids, and I love to be around animals. Uhm... I suck at math, but i'm great in english and history. I never pay attention in science. I want to be an author when I get out of high school. Either that or an artist. I'm claustrophobic, and I hate spiders. So that's pretty much it." I grinned, slightly embarrassed. I tend to talk way to much when talking about myself. I'm not conceded or selfish, well, I try not to be, I just... know myself. Before I could say anything else, I moved away from the fence and laid down. "Wanna cloud watch? It tends to calm me down when i'm upset, maybe it'll help you a little bit too."

[xcrisisx]

Harper confuses me. One moment it seems like we're actually getting along, and then she gets... awkward. Like she's uncomfortable. Maybe it's me? I don't know. Maybe I make people uncomfortable. Maybe it's how calm I always am. Whatever the reason, I want her to feel comfortable. She's a nice person. And she seems like she needs someone right now. It's always nice to make new friends, especially with people who need a friend. "Well, if you won't join me, i'll just point out clouds by myself." I joked, and looked for a nice cloud. I spotted one that looked like a duck. "That one to the upper right looks like a duck followed by her ducklings." I smile up at the sky and scoot just a smidge closer to her. Earlier when I laid down, I had scooted away by accident. I don't want to make her feel like I didn't like her. Because I do. She's a nice person. "Hey, why do you let Claire talk to you like that? You should stand up for yourself. To be honest, you're a lot better than she is." I turn my head towards Harper and smile at her.

(this post sucks. but so does writers block. although I have some muse for Kali. so yay!)