I'm Not Dead Yet; Connor.

[Londyn Thomas]

After handing him his shirt and towel, I smile happily at Attyston, though I could tell it probably looked fake. "Hey, Connor." he says, a grin on his face. I envied him for that. How perfect his life had to be, how happy he was all the time. We were almsot total opposites sometimes. "You know him?" he adds to me, tilting his head to the side. "Yeah, we're in the same grade." I reply, nodding slightly. He nods, looking at his feet, almost awkwardly. Him, awkward? No. It was simply impossible. "I'll, uh, be going back. I just wanted to see how you were." he continues, waving limply before starting down the beach. I watch his retreating back oddly. What had gotten into him? Who was he and what had he done with my brother? I shake my head slightly, starting back up to where my stuff was. I unwrap the towel from around my waist and shake it out to sit on it again, boldly pulling my shirt over my head again.

[Deleted]

Connor smiled at him sheepishly. "Hey," He breathed. Something in his voice was clearly happy to see him, but nervous as well.
He watched Attyston's expression change and frowned. Had he done something?
Watching him go, Connor only sighed, letting the towel drop so he could pull his shirt from his stinging back and over his head.
He swallowed, pain evident, and sat down on his towel with a soft huff. How he was? He was a mess. He was tired and sick and probably sleeping on the streets tonguht. That's how he was. But he couldn't saytyat. Not to Attyston.

[Londyn Thomas]

"Huh." I say thoughtfully, laying out of my towel and covering my face with my arms again. "Only time I've seen him like that is when... I don't think I've ever seen him like that." I muse aloud, shaking my head slightly. "Ah! I got it! When he found out Trisha was cheating on him.. stupid whore." I continue, shrugging my shoulders as if it didn't matter. I sit up, running a hand over my hair. I was hungry, yet I wasn't. Probably because I tended to eat when I was bored and therefore any grumbling of my stomach was promptly ignored. "What music do you like?" I ask, picking up my phone and scrolling through. "I have alot of Asking Alexandria and For All Those Sleeping." I add helpfully, looking up at Connor questioningly.

[Deleted]

Connor listened with a slight frown. "Oh.." He mumbled, guilt crossing his face. Did Att think they were doing something? He was just hangin out with her..
"A-anyth-thing but country.." He heard her list two bands. "Those a-are good," He said, somewhat distracted before offering a small smile.
"I..m-might know why he acted like that..." Connor bit his lip. "We, a-ah..kinda mad eo-out at the mall the other day.." He admitted, a little embarassed to say so.

[Londyn Thomas]

I'm busy scrolling through my songs so that I don't see the slightly guilty expression that crosss over his face. I finally start Dear Insanity by Asking Alexandria and raise my eyebrows at his last broken sentence. I look at Connor for a moment, my blue gaze appraising. "I approve." I finally say, nodding slightly. "Usually he ends up with some sort of whore that just wants to fuck him then send him on his way. He deserves more than that." I continue, shrugging my shoulders slightly before I lay back down, wriggling my toes in time with the song before stopping. "Do you like him? Or did you just kiss him?" I eventually ask. "Actually, nevermind, you don't have to tell me." I add, shaking my head at myself. I was getting nosy.

[Deleted]

Connor eased up some at her approval, sighing at the next question. Despite her saying he didn't have to answer it, he did. Because he was so confused. "I-I dunno.. I think I do.. He's the f-fisrt person in awhile who didn't judge o-off the bat..who doesn't know m-my story already."
He cleared his throat, lying down on his stomach near her, back still hurting.
"I j-just...I'm scared. Of l-letting anyone get to know m-me..but especially him for some r-reason."

[Londyn Thomas]

His posture loosens up a bit at my approval and I can't hide a small grin that appears on my face. They'd be good for each other, I could see it. I nod slightly as Connor goes on to answer my question. "He wouldn't judge you even if you told him. He's one of those people that's just really nice and helpful, which also makes him easy to take advantage of." I say, tugging my hair tie out of my mop of wet hair. I makea face and put it back on my wrist before using my shirt in an attempt to make it dry faster. Connor lays down near my and I look at him, shaking my head. "He wouldn't judge you. He'd try to help you. Sometimes he tries to hard, always trying to get me to talk about.. it." I continue. "But Att always means well, trust me." I finish, my blue eyes meeting his.

[Deleted]

Connor searched her face, cheek resting on his hands. He nodded. "I-I hate it..telling people. It's worse when th-they know from someone else bef-forehand.. Before i e-even get the ch-chance." He coughing a bit, the action shakig his near emaciated body.
"Just-..make sure h-he knows we were j-just talking.." A weak smile passed his lips.
"And..I-I'll see where things go. I m-miss not being judged e-ever day I go anywhere.."

[Londyn Thomas]

I nod, chuckling bitterly to myself. "I know. Have you heard my story? Others make it worse than it really is, it's probably nothing to some people, but, whatever." I say, shrugging my shoulders and looking at my lap. I was surprised to find myself willing to actually relate the story to Connor, partly because I knew he wouldn't judge me. He'd promised. I rarely believed people anymore, but I believed him. I chuckle slightly, nodding. "I will, and tell him you said he's cute. Even though you didn't say that." I say, sticking out my tongue at him playfully. Nothing wrong with trying to get your brother hooked up with someone, right? Especially when they'd already kissed and everything. And, Att messed with my life enough, so why shouldn't I get in on his?

[Deleted]

Connor shrugged. "Not a-all of it, I ignore most people th-there." He squirmed a bit, shifing his weight, and blushed a bit at her comment, hiding his face in his arms with a smile. "I won't deny i-it," He replied, voice muffled by his arms. When his face didn't feel warm, he tilted his head to look back at her again, catching her sticking her tongue out. He scoffed, nudging her with his foot, before curling lazily on his side and watching her, pushing hair out of his face.

[Londyn Thomas]

"Me too." I agre, nodding my head thoughtfully, once of my fingers tracing the scars that marked my thighs. A chuckle takes over the frown that had made it's way onto my mouth. I shake my head as Connor nudges me with his foot before laying onto his side. "I'm going to tell you." I finally say after a moment. I take a breath, avoiding his face. "His name was Geoff, captain of the football team. He.. took my virginity. He told me he loved me and that we'd be together forever.. but, then, Anna came along. She was captain of the cheer team. She seduced him and.. they were riding in his truck together when they ran off the road and hit a tree. I heard alcohol was involved." I say, my voice barely above a whisper. I wipe at the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. "Everyone says that he was using me, that he never really cared for me. They all think I'm a whore that just wants attention." I continue, sniffling. I wipe at my eyes again, shaking my head slightly.

[Deleted]

Connor listened, his eyes on her the whole time. He sighed, reaching out and gently wipin at her tears. He didn't offer an apology. Everybody did that, it didn't help.
"Y-you didn't kill them, you di-idn't cheat, or take y-your own virginity..there's nothing for you to cry about e-except hat yeah..he broke your heart. But the guy didn't deserve you, wasn't the one is all." He brushed her marks again wuietly, sighing.
"It's always gonna hurt, I-I know. Tell you what, I you n-need someone to talk to, Attyston has my number, ok-kay?"

[Londyn Thomas]

I jump slightly as he reached out to wipe the tears from my cheek, and I smile at him softly. He doesn't apologize, which I was glad for. I hated it. It wasn't their fault, and sorry didn't solve anything. It didn't erase my memories, it didn't take back the whole thing. I nod slightly. It was true. I hadn't killed them or anything. I was always faithful to him, so why had he had to do that to me? I sniffle again, looking at my feet as his fingers brushed over my scars again. "Thanks.. I mean it." I say, smiling over at him. On an impulse, I scoot over to sit beside Connor and wrap my arms around him for a hug. "We do have to start sitting with each other at lunch, though." I add, smiling slightly.

[Deleted]

Connor froze up at the hug, then relaxed and hugged her back gently. "A-anytime." He smiled at her next comment. "Y-yeah, definitely.." He turned his face away to cough and clear his throat, patting her knee and reaching for his shirt and hoodie now that his back wasn't stinging as bad. He didn't want to risk Attyston coming back. He wasn't ready to deal with that.
"A-and then..I can tell you m-my story straight.." It was only fair. The rumors said he killed his brother more directly than it happened. They twisted words and situations..
She told hers. He owed her.

[Londyn Thomas]

He tenses up at my hug but soon hugs me back after a moment. As he turns away I wipe at my eyes again, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself. I raise my eyebrows in surprise when Connor tells me that he can tell me his story and I shake my head. "You don't have to. You're not obligated to tell me or anything. I just wanted you to know the truth, know how much of a mess I am." I reply, chuckling softly at the end. I tuck a strand of his black hair behind his ear before returning to my place of my towel, crossing my legs and looking out over the ocean. Today had been eventful. I'd never have guessed that Connor would have shown up, nor that we would have agreed to sit with or each other or.. anything that had happened.