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Post by Attyston Thomas on Jun 27, 2013 12:03:05 GMT -5
I nod slightly as Connor goes on to tell me that the name of the tiny white kitten is Jascaar. It was a cool name. I set my chin on his shoulder, green eyes focused on the kitten. I raise my eyebrows as he asks if I want to feed him. "Nah, man, your kitten." I reply, shaking my head slightly. Suddenly I realize how very close we are and take my chin off his bony shoulder embarrassedly. I look down at my lap before fidding with the microphone box. I take it out of the bag to look at it again. So much money for something so basic. It blew my mind sometimes, it really did. But, whatever. I'd just start making Rid and Gene pay up more often. I wasn't going to be the only one who kept this ship afloat.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2013 12:08:55 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] connor sykes Granted life again but now you've cheated death.
There's no where to run when you run from yourself.. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Connor blinked at Attyston lifted his head, finding he had liked the closeness, missed it even...that he had actually been okay with it and not flinched away. Maybe this guy was alright after all..or maybe he was just desperately lonely...
He swallowed, glancing at Attyston and watching him mess with the microphone before he looked back at the kitten, watching him eventually pull away and curl up against his thin stomach for warmth. Sorry buddy.. Connor thought to himself. No meat on these bones. His not eating was partially because meth did that to a person, took their appetite. The other part, he didn't really think anorexic...was it? He didn't eat anymore because his body couldn't seem to keep anything down, because there was no food in the house and his money went to drugs and kitten formula and maybe..just maybe...because it was a slow way of killing himself, easier to hide until he was so far gone.. |
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Post by Attyston Thomas on Jun 27, 2013 12:17:27 GMT -5
I eventually put the box back into the bag, running a hand through my hair as I mentally berate myself. What was I doing? Connor probably thought I was some sort of creep and wouldn't want anything to do with me or the band now. I sigh quietly and twist around for a napkin from the holder, standing up to pull a pencil from the pocket of my neon green skinny jeans. I sit back down and scribble my cell number down onto it before putting my first and last name, I stand again to put away my pencil before handing it to him. "So that you can get ahold of me if need be, or if we suddenly cancel practice or something. We usually have it in the big garage at the junkyard. Lame, but the owner's my friend. So, it's whatever." I say, holding it out to him. I feel slightly stupid, explaining all of it to Connor. But, if he was going to join us, he needed details.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2013 12:25:35 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding-left:16px; padding-top:0px; padding-right:0px; padding-bottom:0px; background-image:url(http://i51.tinypic.com/2nbr3oi.jpg) ] connor sykes Granted life again but now you've cheated death.
There's no where to run when you run from yourself.. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Connor reached out with a visibly shaking left hand and took it, offering an almost shy smile. "Thanks." He pulled his phone out to save the number so he wouldn't lose the number. In his contacts, most the numbers were saved without a name. One, his father, was saved under some rather vulgar profanity, one was Christy's foster mother, and the final said 'Adam :(' . Maybe it was pathetic, but to this day after two years Connor payed a basic plan on Adam's phone, just to hear his voice on the answering machine message when he needed it most. Most people didn't understand how much he missed his older brother, blamed himself for what happened. The school knew him as the guy who killed the most popular kid in school his own brother, they stayed away from him, hated him, talked shit. He'd gone from the popular crowd to lowest in the school in a heartbeat.
Breaths wavered as Connor fumbled to enter the number, reaching to wipe forming tears from his eyes and sticking it back in his pocket. "H-here..." He mumbled, goice cracking as he jotted his number down in his left handed scrawl, the lines shaky, unsteady.
He was trying not to break down like a complete freak. |
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Post by Attyston Thomas on Jun 27, 2013 12:40:20 GMT -5
I nod slightly at his 'thanks' and watch as he enters the name into his phone, his hands shaking. Something was wrong. I wasn't about to make him tell me, though, and maybe it was for the best he didn't. I counted Connor among my friends already, and I cared about my friends. I bite at the inside of my lip thoughtfully, taking the offered piece of paper with a small smile. "Thanks. I don't have my phone on me right now, though." I say, taking it and folding it neatly before sticking it into the pocket of my hoodie. Soon I notice the tears that he tries so hard to wipe away, to hide. I wanted to hug him. But, I knew no good would come of that, most likely. "I'm sorry." I say simply, avoiding his gaze and instead looking at Jascaar, who was curled up on his lap.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2013 12:45:38 GMT -5
Connor only sniffled, trying to regain control. He hated showing weakess, hated crying. "It's ok-kay.." He whispered, swallowing and wiping at his face again with a trembling breath. Eyes squeezed shut, doing his best to stop those tears and finally just staring at the table so his hair could do the work of hiding his face. "Y-you should go get food with the o-others...'m not hungry."
He pet the kitten gently, setting his backpack under his chair, offering Attyston a weak smile to ty and show that he would be alright. He was never okay anymore...no matter how much he tried telling himself otherwise. |
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Post by Attyston Thomas on Jun 27, 2013 13:00:11 GMT -5
"It's most certainly not okay. You're crying." I reply sharply, shaking my head. He leans forward slightly so that I can't see his face and I huff softly, looking at the table. Connor says I should to get food with the others. He wanted me to leave, give him time to collect himself, most likely. But, I knew when people wanted to be alone was the time when they needed someone the most. "Nah. With them, it'll turn into one huge contest on who can eat the most." I reply, chuckling slightly. "My dick's bigger, no, my dick's bigger." I mock in a high pitched voice, though disgust was evident. I just wasn't into all that stupid shit.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2013 13:06:16 GMT -5
Connor couldn't help but laugh a bit at his mocking voice. "Y-yeah, I guess so.." He mumbled under his breath. "I'm sorry, y-you probably think I-I'm pathetic.. I just-..I m-miss my brither and I had a-a bad morning and it's getting to m-me.."
He always had a bad morning. And night. And any time he was a home really. No beatings today..it was just that daddy dearest wanted some pleasure.
Connor gagged into a fist. He really needed to stop thinking about it. Not that he could throw up with nothing in his stomach. |
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Post by Attyston Thomas on Jun 27, 2013 13:45:12 GMT -5
His stuttering soon gets worse as he attempts to explain his situation and I shake my head. "I don't think you're pathetic, Connor." I say simply. He actually reminded me alot of Londyn, though with a stutter. And with a kitten. And a dick. But, other than that, he was alot like her in so many ways. Without even thinking about it, I pull him into a hug. I freeze after a moment, but decide to see what Connor did, I'd go with it. Why not take a risk once in a while? Besides, if he thought I was weird then he thought I was weird. Whatever.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2013 13:49:57 GMT -5
Connor when rigid. At first because the touch had him automatically thinking he'd be struck, and then because he realized Attyston could now feel how nearly every bone in his body jutted from the skin. How thin and starved he really was. But that realization triggered yet another emotion and he realized he was linely, he missed comfort over pain, and he relaxed, sighing shakily and hugging the male tight, burying his face in the crook of his neck...finding comfort there. It had been so long. His heart was racing, breaths a constant unsteady pace, slightly raspy in the back of his throat from coughing. And he was trembling all over. |
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Post by Attyston Thomas on Jun 27, 2013 14:24:30 GMT -5
He doesn't react right away, instead freezing. I could feel how very thin he was, but decide not to say or do anything that would make my thoughts obvious. After a couple more moments Connor relaxes into me, burying his face in the crook of my neck and holding me tight. At least he hadn't pulled out of it and fled as I thought he would. I could feel him shaking but it just makes me hold him tighter, though I was afraid I'd snap him in half. We were attracting some odd looks, but I ignore them. "You're not pathetic." I say again, resting my chin on his shoulder. He wasn't, he'd just been through things, things that I would probably never understand. I swallow a lump that had suddenly formed in my throat, looking at the tiled floor of the food court.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2013 14:29:57 GMT -5
Connor sniffled, finding himself fighting the sting of tears again, this time happy for acceptance. Acceptance was a rare thing. "I think I-I am.." He whispered, breaths soft against Attyston's neck. But he was calming down again, thin chest still rising and falling unsteadily. His heart had stopped racing, and his muscles had almost fully relaxed. It was clear that despite how conscious he was, Connor didn't care what people thought of his sexuality.
"...thank you..." He finally breathed, a hand gripping Attyston's shirt tightly, the kitten stirring between them and stumbling off the chair, nosing its way into his backpack. |
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Post by Attyston Thomas on Jun 27, 2013 14:46:15 GMT -5
"No, you're not." I repeat. "You've been through things people don't understand, and no one bothers to look beneath the surface because humans are shallow, judgemental beings who don't give a fuck about anything but face value." I go on, Connor's breath warm on my neck. I blush at my speech, hoping he wouldn't think I thought I understood when I didn't. But, what had been said had been said. His hand gripped the back on my shirt and I feel Jascaar stirring on our lap before nosing his way back to his home in Connor's backpack. "It's not a problem." I reply, my voice soft and soothing. It really wasn't. It wasn't exactly new for me, and I'd do anything I could to help him.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2013 14:52:55 GMT -5
"There's a-a lot more digging ben-neath the scratched surface..." His grip eased up slightly. He wasn't ready to tell this guy about his life, his problems, even if some were evident just in a hug, and even if he was already okay with considering him a friend. He just..wasn't comfortable with those dark secrets. He could only be grateful tha his was somebody who didn't already know them through rumors.
Connor was worried he was making Attyston feel awkward, didn't want to pull away but didn't want to seem clingy either. Because Connor was usually far from it. And he usually dealt with the tears in private seclusion. But maybe today just really was not a good day at all. Though right now..it was a little better than an other ones recently. |
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Post by Attyston Thomas on Jun 27, 2013 15:13:08 GMT -5
"I'm sorry." I say again. What else could I do? Nothing. I shift my grip on Connor as his own grip relaxed. I didn't want to pull out of the hug, but I didn't want to seem like I was enjoying this too much, either. It was a real 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation. I rest my head against his, letting out a breath that I didn't know I'd been holding. I run my tongue over my lips thoughtfully. What did I do now? I didn't know, anything I did would probably mess something up. So, I keep my arms around him, keep the hug intact, and stay quiet. It was the least I could do for him, I wanted Connor to know that someone actually cared.
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