Trouble came a callin'; Attyston

[Attyston Thomas]

I stand outside as she does what nurses do. I didn't exactly know what, but it had best keep him alive. I pace outside, looking up as she comes back outside, asking me what had happened. Where to start? I take a deep breath, running my hand over my fringe.
"Uh." I say, not wanting to admit to drinking underage. But, that wasn't important, was it? "Meth, he shot meth. Tried to cut himself, but I stopped him.. but I yelled. He left and I went to go find him. He was on the beach the way he was when I came in, and uh." I go on, biting at my lower lip. "There were pill bottles.. I think he tried to overdose." I add, looking at my feet. I felt like it was all my fault. I wanted to add that I didn't cause the scars and scabs all over his body, but I decide against it. The only thing I was really responsible for was his hickey, which embarassed me by sticking out like a sore thumb from where he lay.

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The nurse nodded, heading back in, and soon Connor's sobs could be heard as the ube was guided down his throat and his stomach was pumped, leavin him vomiting over the edge of the bed before curling up, yanking the sheets over his head and begging to be allowed to leave, or at least see Attyston.
She returned again after eyeing the way he looked. It seemed she recognized him, that he had been here plenty.
She asked Attyston if that's who he was, if Connor was staying with him, and hadn't been brought in off the streets 'like the last time'.
Only when she was sure, did she let him in to see Connor, and let him know they could leave once he was stable enough to walk out on his own, that if he showed up again with signs of suicide and self abuse, he would be admitted.

[Attyston Thomas]

I cover my ears with my hands, not wanting to hear his retches and sobs. It was all my fault. All of it. I lean against the wall, ignoring people that were walking by, the odd looks they gave me. I probably looked like a raving lunatic, and that I had just woken up. All of it was virtually true. I look up, uncovering my ears as the nurse came back out. I nod as she asks if he was Connor and if he was staying wtih me. She nodded, informing me that he could leave as soon as he could walk out on his own. She allows me in and I awkwardly stride over to sit in a chair beside his hospital bed, looking down at my Toms. My green eyes glance over at him, guilt evident in them. Connor probably hated me, and rightly so. He probably wouldn't want to ever talk to me again. I didn't blame him.

[Deleted]

Connor sniffled. Blue eyes were tired and hurt and he watched Attyston sit.
He reached out with a cold hand, grimacing in pain and shakily pulling Artyston's onto the bed, into his lap in his half sitting position to play with his fingers. His face was guilty, but so was Connor's
"Mm s-sorry.. This i-is my fault... I just-....y-y-you deserve better and-...I thought you were gonna hit m-me even though I shoulda known better.. It m-made me realize I'm broken past e-ever being completely..fixed..." He grew breathless and paused, swallowing, tired tears falling.
"I-I'm tired a-a' being broken...I don't want y-you to watch m-me go through a-any of this...I-I'm nothing important a-a-and yeah I wanna die.. And I c-can't say I'm not gonna tr-ry again..or that i'm gonna listen to you a-all the time or ever be happy... And that's gonna h-hurt you..."

[Attyston Thomas]

I watch mutely as he reaches for my hand before pulling it into his lap to fiddle with my fingers. What he talking about? None of this was his fault. It was mine, what kind of illusion was he living? I don't interrupt him, instead letting him get it out. Sometimes it just helped to talk about it. Finally he stops, apparently having had his bit. I lift my head to look at him, waiting until his blue eyes met mine.
"Connor, shut the fuck up." I say, shaking my head. "I'm sorry I yelled, and I'm.. sorry for last night, whatever happened." I continue, a blush creeping across my face. "And I don't care about any of your flaws, I obviously have my own but.. uhm." I continue, looking at my lap before dragging my gaze back to his face. "But, during my rant earlier, didn't you hear me? I said.. I said that I love you. Love is about being willing to overcome someone else's flaws and see the good in them, and being able to ignore your own for the other person." I finally finish, taking the hand that was holding mine and gently bringing it up to my lips.

[Deleted]

Connor swallowed. "I'm not s-sorryfor what you did.. You h-have every right to be m-mad.. And what we did o-or didn't do last night don't m-matter.. I wouldn't h-have got drunk 'round you alone if I didn't tr-rust you Att..."
Fresh tears fell when Attyston kissed his thin hand.
"I just don't wanna h-h-hurt you.." He whispered brokenly. "You don't u-understand... I'm real s-sick..physically..a-and metally too, obviousl-ly.. But seriously. It isn't c-cancer but may a-as well be.." He swallowed. "Thing h-have been wrong i-in me almost theee years n-now...i know I got pr-roblems..and they're tearin me a-apart... I jus'..I-I got scared... I don't want to tear you a-apart, too..."
He was full on sobbing, having pulling Attyston close and leaned in to hide his face in his shoulder. "Don't let me te-tear y-y-you apart..."

[Attyston Thomas]

I swallow a lump that had suddenly formed in my throat, my free hand reaching up to wipe the tears from his cheeks, tucking a strand of black hair behind his ear as I did so. My stomach dropped as he went on, but I was stubborn. "You won't hurt me." I say, my voice soft as I look at him. After his speech is done I stand to pull him to me, allowing Connor to bury his face in my shoulder. "You won't tear me apart, and you won't tear yourself apart. You just have to look past it. I do love you, I'm not lying about that, but you can't carry on this way. You're killing yourself, and. I won't let you." I say, a couple tears falling down my face. He'd have to go through me, and he obviously didn't want to hurt me. I'd just have to play it to my advantage. I'd feel bad about it, but whatever helped Connor.

[Deleted]

Connor sniffled, having climbed off the bed to stand shakily, clinging to him, arms sore, stomach empty and cramping, upset. Probably beyond messed up inside.
He...he said he loved him. That scared Connor shitless. He didn't want to give up the habits he'd adapted to these past years.
But at the same time he liked the sound of it. The only person he heard that from anymore was Christy. Once a month.
He stood in silence and finally sat on the edge of the bed, stubbornly pulling the Ivs out.
"I-I wanna leave.." He mumbled, swallowing. Panic was creeping up on him. He hated hospitals.

[Attyston Thomas]

He moved to sit on the edge of his hospital bed, holding onto me for balance. He didn't reply to me, and I didn't know if that wasa good thing or a bad thing. It meant that he didn't tell me he loved me back, but it also meant that he wasn't saying he hated me. A soft sigh escapes my lips as Connor begins to pull the IVs out, telling me that he wanted to leave. I bite my lower lip in indecision before glancing over to where the nurse stood in the doorway. she seemed indifferent with a shrug. "Sure. But, if you do, you're going to have to at least eat a little bit when we get back." I say in my most parental voice, looking down at him with eyebrows raised as if asking him if he were sure.

[Deleted]

Connor scowled, but nodded. "F-fine." He mymbled, steuggling to his feet. Something in his blue ees said he wasn't quite okay to be leaving yet. But he forced himself to stay uptight on his feet while the nurse led them o the front desk for Attyston to fill out some paperwork and sign his release form. Connor stood beside him, a hand grippin he back of Attyston's shirt.
Only once they were outside and nearly to the car did that weakness take over, causing him to trip and fall to his knees on the cement with a grimace.

[Attyston Thomas]

I nod slightly as he agrees to my terms, though he doesn't exactly seem happy about it. I could tell that Connor still wasn't feeling well, but he didn't seem to want to stay much longer, and I didn't have the heart (or lack there of)to deny him. The nurse leads us back down the hall to the front desk where she hands me some papers to sign and initial for Connor's release, his hand wrapping in the back of my shirt. I offer the nurse a small smile before starting back outside. A growl escapes me as he falls to the pavement in the parking lot. "I knew you weren't well enough to leave." I mumble to myself, helping Connor up. But, I decide not to send him back in. He could just lay around in my apartment- I'd do everything for him. I honestly didn't have a problem with it, I'd do anything to help him. I pull open the passenger side to my Honda to help him in before starting over to the driver's side.

[Deleted]

Connor whimpered in guilty response, climbing ito the passengers seat and buckling in with shaking hands, face pained.
He rested his head against the window once the door was shut, and closed his ees. He was just glad tha Attyston hadn't taken him back inside instead.
That was something he'd be grateful for, definitely. He'd much prefer lying in bed or on the couch, with Attyston at his side instead.
Which brought on more guilt. He did like this guy..he was falling in love with him. And yet he'd tried killing himself to avoid hurting him.
What if he had managed for once..?

[Attyston Thomas]

The drive back to my apartment was shorter than the drive to the hospital from the beach. I pull up to the curb, turning off my car. I climb out and scurry over to the passenger side to pull the door open for him, wrapping my arm around Connor's shoulders. I stick the key in the lock, pushing the door open gently in case Jascaar was behind it. I help him over to the couch, helping him down. "I'll get you some pillows." I say, walking over to close the door and lock it before starting into my bed room. I pull one of the spare pillows out of my closet, grabbing a blanket and clean pair of boxers and gym shorts. I head back and hand them to him, wandering into the kitchen to open the fridge and peer in. I hadn't eaten today, and he'd agreed to eat something when we got back.

[Deleted]

Cnnor leaned against him groggily, wrapped arms hanging limp at his sides, eyes half closed. He sat down on the couch, head tilting limply to the side, a feeble cough escaping his lips.
He blinked when Attyston returned, and slowly pulled his briefs off, slipping into the boxers and shorts and curling up on the couch. He pulled the blanket over himself, breaths shallow.

[Attyston Thomas]

There wasn't much in the kitchen, or at least nothing that looked good to me. I usually ate fast food or something, and I rarely had people over. But, not I had Connor living with me, so I'd have to make a trip to the grocery store eventually. I close the fridge with a sigh, peering back into the living room, I didn't want to walk in on him, even with whatever had happened last night. My green eyes land on his thin form under the covers and I stride in, picking up his briefs to wander into the bathroom and toss them into the hamper. I sit down on the arm of the couch, running my hand through Connor's hair gently. I didn't know what to say; what was there to say? I'd poured my heart out to him at the hospital. "Good news: I need to go to the store, so no food yet." I say finally, my voice slightly bitter at the fact.