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Post by Calden LeCoste on Sept 1, 2013 18:58:29 GMT -5
A startled expression crosses my face at his question though it quickly turns to that of one of a deer in headlights. "I, uh. yeah." I stutter before dropping my gaze and shrugging my shoulders, knowing that Jason wouldn't buy it. I bury my face in his neck, ashamed. "I-I feel like.. I'm using you." I mumble, a frown crossing my face. My lower lip trembles slightly as his lips press to my forehead and I realize I'm on the verge of tears. I sniffle softly and look away.
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Post by Jason Monroe on Sept 1, 2013 19:03:29 GMT -5
His expression changes quickly and I frown when he stutters. I was just glad he knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't buy his first words. I hold him as he says he feels like he's using me and shake my head. "You're not. I'm pretty sure of that. I mean, I'm just your roommate with benefits, right?" I ask, not really wanting to get too deep into it. There was no way to describe our...relationship if it could even be called that. I sigh when he looks away and hold his cheeks in my hands, looking at him with a slight smile. "Don't get upset over it. It's not that much of a big deal," I say, kissing his nose lightly.
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Post by Calden LeCoste on Sept 1, 2013 19:11:23 GMT -5
His first few sentences don't really help and my lower lip trembles again and I sit up, wiping angrily at my face as a few tears escape my eyes. "It is a big deal." I snap, shaking my head quickly. "W-he fuck a-and we h-hold hands, b-ut we don't-t da-te.. a-and I feel b-ad for do-ing this t-to you-hoo." I sob, curling over and putting my head in my hands in an attempt to hide myself from Jason. I sniffle as I try to calm myself down, and I know that my face was red by now.
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Post by Jason Monroe on Sept 1, 2013 19:16:08 GMT -5
I frown when he moves away and shake my head, not going to let it be like last time. I pull him against me and rub his back, kissing his head and rocking him as he sobbed. "Don't worry about it. You're still getting over a break up so I understand. I mean, I'd like it more if we would date but I won't push you," I say, feeling tears well in my own eyes. I pet his hair and rest my forehead on his head, my eyes closed tightly. "You have no reason to feel bad. I mean, you were ripped away so don't worry," I whisper, wishing I could find some way to calm both of us.
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Post by Calden LeCoste on Sept 1, 2013 19:25:53 GMT -5
I let myself lean against him, moving back and forth with him for a while before pulling back. "That was a-about a ye-hear ago.. M-Mark's probably o-over me-he and.. I'm-m so stu-hupid." I whisper brokenly, wrapping my arms around my thin body and looking at my feet to avoid making eye contact with Jason. More tears fall down my face and I bite my lower lip, hating myself for this. I was such a dick, living with him and holding his hand and generally leading him on when I didn't want to date him. I really did feel something though.. or was it the guilt, eating at me?
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Post by Jason Monroe on Sept 1, 2013 19:31:21 GMT -5
I sigh and look away from him as he pulls back. I shake my head and get up for a second so I can go get him some tissues. "People mourn different ways. Some get over it quicker than others. It doesn't matter if he's over you or not, you're still recovering," I say, moving to the corner of the couch and resting my head on my knees after I pulled my legs to my chest. I didn't know if I wanted to try and hold him again or not especially since I was already on the verge of tears. I sigh softly and look at him, pulling him to me once more and holding his hand. "Oh, by the way, you're not stupid," I say, kissing his head lightly.
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Post by Calden LeCoste on Sept 1, 2013 19:36:13 GMT -5
I look up slightly as he gets up and I hesitantly take the tissues from him before wiping at my eyes, feeling horrible. I don't reply to Jason's speech, but, instead, I just shrug my bare shoulders, not looking at him just yet. I sniffle as he sighs and wrap my arms around him tightly after Jason pulls me to him and I rest my head on his chest. "I-I'm sorry." I mumble, turning to press a kiss to his chest before turning my head again, listening to the beat of his heart for a moment, closing my eyes.
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Post by Jason Monroe on Sept 1, 2013 19:39:48 GMT -5
I look as he shrugs his shoulders and ignore it for a minute. When his arms wrap around me, I feel a few tears fall though I act like its nothing. He kisses my chest and holds me though I'm still thinking everything through. "It's okay," I mumble before running my hand along his back in an attempt to calm him still. I want to huff and lock myself in my room but I knew better than acting like a spoiled brat. My fingers trail along his side for a minute as my head stays on his with tears falling every now and then. I only hoped he wouldn't notice them.
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Post by Calden LeCoste on Sept 1, 2013 19:49:05 GMT -5
My lower lip trembles as his hand runs across my bare back and I snuggle closer to him, hoping that Jason wouldn't mind. Something wet lands on my cheek and I pull down to frown as I look at the tears falling down his face. I grab one of my tissues to dab at his face. "See? I-I hurt you." I mumble brokenly, looking away as I put the remaining tissues in his hand before getting up and pulling on my boxers. "I-I'll go.." I add, grabbing the rest of my clothing before reatreating back to my room, not wanting to make him cry anymore or see him cry. I shut my door behind me before dropping my clothes on the floor and crawling onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow.
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Post by Jason Monroe on Sept 1, 2013 19:53:58 GMT -5
He looks up and I immediately want to swat the tears from my face before he dabs the tissues at the tears. The tissues are forced into my hand and I look at him as he gets up, wanting to stop him but not sure how. I sigh when he closes the door to his room and pull my boxers on before grabbing my clothing and tossing it into the laundry room. I go to the kitchen and look around before going to my room and laying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling and closing my eyes so I don't cry. When that fails, I roll onto my stomach and pull a pillow over my head, not wanting to pay attention to anything.
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Post by Calden LeCoste on Sept 1, 2013 20:00:50 GMT -5
I eventually sit up, pushing my hair out of my face as I slide out of bed to crouch on the floor, digging my little knife from under my socks, the pictures out, too. I sit back on my butt, hazel eyes resting on the pictures, a fresh wave of tears falling down my face before I set them on the floor in front of me, spreading them out before I look at the blade, turning it over in my hands. It had been a while since I'd cut.. about a week or so, actually.I sniffle again before working my boxers down a little bit before slowly drawing it across the scarred skin on my hip, closing my eyes as the blood welled up, endorphins rushing to my brain to give me the enjoyable feeling I craved to get rid of the pain inside me.
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Post by Jason Monroe on Sept 1, 2013 20:11:38 GMT -5
A huff escapes me when I finally stop crying and I walk to the living room, grabbing a piece of pizza and eating it before walking to the kitchen and writing on the notebook that I kept there. My writing was sloppy but right now I just wanted to get out of the house for a bit. The paper read;
"Dear Calden,
I'm really sorry about our...argument (for lack of better words.) I'll be out of the house for a day or so. I'm not really sure yet. Don't worry about me just enjoy the apartment and text/call me if you need me...Again sorry.
Love,
Jason."
I huffed and pushed the keys into the pocket of my shorts once I had changed and walked to the living room, leaving the paper where I knew he would see it before tugging on my jacket and walking outside. I jog down the stairs until I reach my car and walk in, starting the engine and heading down the road, unsure of my destination.
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Post by Calden LeCoste on Sept 1, 2013 20:20:59 GMT -5
I freeze when I hear Jason come out of his room, my brow creasing when I hear the front door shut a couple minutes later. I push myself to my feey, setting the hem of my boxers on my new cuts, ignoring the sting as I poke my head out my door before starting down the hallway. I pick up the note and read it, shaking my head a bit. I angrily crumple it in my fist before flinging it at the wall and returning to my room, sitting back on the floor, turning the knife over in my hand. More tears fall down my face as I stare at the floor, wondering what I'd done wrong.. well, everything, obviously. I sniffle and look at my phone that was sitting on my dresser. I knew I had Mark's number in it but I'd never dared to call it.. but I needed someone, and Jason was gone.. what was the worst that could happen? I reach for my phone, opening it before pausing before dialing his number and holding my phone up to my face.
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Post by Jason Monroe on Sept 1, 2013 20:27:19 GMT -5
The road seems to continue on for years though it had only been on it for several minutes. I huff and turn around, not able to make myself go through with going away. I'm soon back to the apartment and I sit on the stairs at the top, looking at my door. Did I really want to go in? A sigh escapes me and I open the door silently and lay on the couch, looking at the ceiling. I didn't want to mess with Calden just yet. I was sure we both needed to calm down still and I wasn't sure if I really knew how to react right now.
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Post by Calden LeCoste on Sept 1, 2013 20:37:51 GMT -5
I bite my lower lip as it rings, wanting to hang up. Would he even answer? Would it even be Mark's number? I'm about to hang up when a familiar voice answers. "M-M-Mark.. i-it's Calden." I stutter, so surprised it took me a moment to speak. The line goes silent for a moment and I'm about to say something else when he speaks. "Why are you calling?" he asks coldly and I wince at his tone. "I-I wanted t-to talk to you... I miss you." I whisper brokenly, a couple tears falling down my face. A sigh reaches my ears and I bite my lower lip again. This wasn't going the way I'd planned.. but how had I seen it going? "Calden.. leave me alone, okay? I'm over it, I'm over you. I have a girlfriend now." he continues and I go numb inside. What did he mean, he had a girlfriend. "W-W-Wha?" I start before Mark cuts me off. "It was a phase, Calden, its the past- we're the past." he snaps and more tears are rolling down my face, though I don't say anything. "Look, its your fault you mvoed anyway, you could've stayed with me, but you didn't." he adds harshly and a sob escapes me and I fling my phone at the wall, breaking it into pieces.
"Fuck you!" I shout, looking for something else to throw though there was nothing. Tears stream down my face as I reach for my bag to dig through it for my lighter, grabbing the first picture and clicking it, watching the flame dance before my eyes.
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